I worry about the stupidest fucking things I swear. My list of worries include

~this is going to be a dead of winter baby and I'm terrified about keeping this child warm enough. I mean we just got a new and better furnace, we don't live in an igloo, our car has heat but I'm terrified some how the baby will freeze from the car to the house.

~I'm worried about sling use in the winter and am almost going back on the 'no pain in the ass baby bucket' thing. i mean is it going to be hard to put a bundled baby in one? Do I shove it over or under my coat? And do I have to take the baby's coat off before putting him/her in a carseat? I don't remember this with X, he was bigger though during winter 5 mos. This has literally kept me up at night with worry.

~I'm fine with cloth diapering but everytime I think about cloth wipes I get really grossed out.

I'm not worried about nursing, sibling relationship, or most of cloth diapering. You know the big things.

I haven't really been updating because there's not much to update, routine non eventful pregnancy thus far (thank god). I'm starting to feel less exhausted and stupid, and I feel huge already. I cry a lot, like over everything. Maternity clothes are too big, my clothes are way too small bleh.

I saw my midwife yesterday, very good appt. Bloodtests and pap all fine (I hadn't had a pap in too long so I am relieved), no low iron this time. And the best part.... she got the heartbeat. For really real there's a baby there, I don't know why but it makes it feel more real.

Two pounds up from two weeks ago, I guess that's not too bad I already feel like a cow.

post 2

Midwife appt today!

First off, I love her, like seriously adored her, she reminded me of that eccentric aunt with bright red hair and flamingo pink lipstick and she's so so sweet.

She was fine with me having an epidural (I wasn't sure how CNMs felt about that, if they were more for natural), which is good because I'm not into natural I'm into comfortable. She was thrilled that I'm going to breastfeed etc.

On the baby I'm about 6-7 weeks and everything's looking fine, and it's not twins no matter what my MILs freaky idiot boyfriend says. Had my pap, blood draw, peed in a cup etc. Same protocol as last time, I have a bagful of prenatal samples, pregnancy mags and a babies r us catalog for me to drool on.

I go back June 11th to hear the heartbeat, X and Jeff are coming with me this time.

Moving my blog off of a messageboard to here post 1.

Well I am 5w 2d according to my happy little ticker, I go from being elated to being a little terrified I haven't done this in 6 years and I think I've forgotten everything. Add work, the puppy we're getting (no I didn't plan to get a puppy while pregnant trust me, I would flame myself for that if I could), and of course nicotine withdrawal I've been edgy and not pleasant to be around.

So glad summer is almost here because then I don't have to get up at 7am then go to work until 11pm.